Whackjob

Things have been so surreal in the past couple of weeks that I decided to restart therapy. It’s been about two-and-a-half years since I last saw my shrink and I wondered if he might have changed any to adapt to what seems like a whole new, weird world.

“Verklempt,” the good shrink said, repeating the word in a softer voice. “Verklempt.” He gently swayed his head from side to side, his payos (sidelocks) catching the rhythm.

Knowing that verklempt is Yiddish for a state of wild emotion, he seemed his usual self. If he was choking back tears, unable to speak, or clenched from intense emotions, it could have fooled me. Dr. Günter Klaus von Grubersteingruber, who still works days as a diesel mechanic, refined his statement that the world was verklempt, not him.

Between the sidelocks and his liberal use of a single Yiddish word, I was left wondering if the Puerto Rican-born psychiatrist had converted to Judaism, Orthodox, no less.

“Everywhere you look, there is great sorrow, unspeakable tragedy,” Grubersteingruber said. “People don’t care for each other, unless it’s for political gain or a good parking spot.”

From out of nowhere, Grubersteingruber shifted his attentions to music.

“Remember the words of Albert Einstein,” he said: “Life without playing music is inconceivable for me. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music; I get most joy in life out of music.”

“So, is there some shortage of music that is causing all of the strife in our lives,” I asked.

“How would I know?” he answered. “It’s just a cool quote from a cool guy,”

“Have you been following the 1/6 insurrectionist hearings on the attack on the Capitol?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“They’re boring as hell. Like watching water evaporate from a glass,” he said.

“Any insights you’d care to offer?”

“It became obvious that Trump, the orange idiot, is the creep who claimed to barely know Cassidy Hutchinson yet somehow knew her to be a “whackjob with mental problems,” Grubersteingruber said, stroking his grey goatee. “There were serious discussions about invoking the 25th Amendment to send him into obscurity at a funny farm, so who’s the whackjob? I think it speaks for itself.”

“Well, there have been other crises over the past couple of weeks, most of them emanating from the Supreme Court,” I said.

“Are you talking about Roe v. Wade,” he said.

“Well, that and concealed New York City handguns, the limits on how the nation’s EPA will be allowed to regulate the extractive (fossil) fuel industries, and that it’s now okay to say prayers on the 50-yard-line.”

The good doctor is a football fan and wondered aloud if Colin Kaepernick might now be allowed to take a knee on the sidelines.

“It’s a double-edged sword,” Grubersteingruber said. “Kaepernick is kneeling for justice. The coach from Washington is just a willing part of the white theocracy that is taking hold in the United States. Just try to place a Star of David on the 50-yard line and watch what happens.”

“The Supreme Court has limited the EPA in its oversight role, making more decisions to disrupt the balance of democracy,” Grubersteingruber noted. He thinks that as the climate becomes more unstable, so does our democracy.

“So,” I asked, “we have a society stymied by people whose petrified opinions couldn’t change for any amount of new information?”

“Yes,” he said. “Science is trumped by ignorance. And the odd role religion plays have created countless factions with remarkable differences. Yet they’re all riffs on various interpretations of the notion of Christianity, most notably the Bible.”

“In the wake of Roe v. Wade, do you believe the courts will challenge other personal freedoms gained over the past couple decades?”

“Of course,” he said, “and those challenges will find a welcome place on the Court’s docket. As long as the stupid six maintain their seats, the only ones marked safe will be those whose lives do not include any challenges to the powers that be.”

“Scary,” I said.

“Yes, and now I must return to the monster truck I’m working on. Your fee will be $300,” he said, smiling.

Photo montage by Courtney A. Liska

Roast Turkey Breast

It will never be clear to me why we tend to eat turkey during such a small window, Thanksgiving to New Year. It’s delicious and is easily prepared in a variety of ways. This, then, is one of my favorites.

3 to 4 pound turkey breast
2 Tbs. olive oil
2 tsp. paprika
2 tsp. dried thyme
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. dried thyme
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Place turkey breast skin side up on the rack of a roasting pan, or into a lightly greased 9×13 pan.
In a small bowl, stir together olive oil, paprika, salt, thyme, black pepper, onion powder, and garlic powder to form a paste.
Loosen the skin with your finger and spoon some of the spice mixture underneath the skin. Smooth it out to cover as much of the meat as possible. Rub the remaining spice mixture on top of the turkey breast skin.
Roast in the oven for approx. 20 minutes per pound, until the turkey reaches an internal temperature of 160 degrees.