After a contentious year of judicial tumult, the Supreme Court is being seen by Congress as yet another target for review. Instead of doing the important work of making sure the damn potholes are filled in front of my house, the two chambers are busy dividing themselves into no fewer than 113 committees, sub-committees, coffee klatches, and weeknight happy hours to begin what is bound to be a year’s worth of injudicious tumult.
This is a bold move by Congress because the Supreme Court answers to no authority. The checks-and-balance system envisioned by the founders never anticipated that the life-long appointees to the bench would seek major doses of capital infusion from people with cases that might come before the Court.
And in addition to the cash prizes, there were yachting expeditions, fishing adventures, and autographed memorabilia from the Third Reich, including baseball card-like pictures and statistics of Hitler, Joseph Goebbels, and Hermann Göring.
The planned hearings will be unproductive in that no fewer than four of the nine have lied under oath during the Senate confirmation hearings. There is no reason to believe they won’t lie again. And again. And again.
No, it’s time to disband the current Court and start over from scratch. But first, we’ll need to disallow any gifts to the Court’s members worth more than $127, the cost of a Big Mac and fries. Anything more than that is a sign of corruption. Maybe. Who knows?
Building a new Court is fraught with danger. The current lineup is made up of lawyers. That hasn’t worked out so well. So the new Court will have no lawyers. This will put law into the proper perspective, calling only on senses of propriety, empathy, and fairness. The members of the new Court can have their clerks present papers with such judicial practices that include precedents buried deep in the literature of case law. But they don’t have to.
I have a list of potential justices that has not been approved by anybody. I just happen to believe that anyone nominated will be thrilled to serve. My list has been carefully designed to represent the mosaic that defines America. Many of the nominees are dead.
Here we go.
The only nominee who may rightfully be seen as a Supreme is Diana Ross. She’s a Black woman who seemed very nice when I met her. While she might not possess the wisdom of Solomon, I’m sure she would never suggest cutting a baby in half to satisfy a claim of motherhood.
Richard Simmons seems a good choice to provide representation of, well…you know. He will also lead the Court in daily exercise routines to keep its members fit and virile.
The Court needs both nutritional food and a French perspective on any case that involves fashion. Who better than Julia Child, a television star whose recipes called for pounds of butter and other forms of fat. So the food will be delightful, but not necessarily healthful. And Julia is not French.
If ever there was a time in the current moments of history when we could benefit from a poet, it’s now. Wendell Berry is that candidate. Not only is he a poet, but he is also an essayist and novelist. He’s also a farmer. The wisdom he possesses from the written word and the dirt that hosts our food, makes Mr. Berry an excellent nominee.
To have George Carlin be part of this august body is a no-brainer. He’s smart. He’s funny. And he is one of those willing to call a spade a spade. And if he has to bury a hatchet, it will be buried directly into the back of a head belonging to a bigoted idiot.
Carl Sagan possessed unmatched intelligence. Curious, the scientist looked in every direction to find answers to the world’s problems. He encouraged people to spend time in the library looking for the information that would be needed to form valid opinions about the world and its disputes.
A holocaust survivor, Elie Wiesel has spent his life seeking justice for those being treated unjustly. His life reflects his unbounded empathy for the disenfranchised and his sense of history proves that we must read and understand it to ever discover our potential.
Nelson Rockefeller was the last man who made the Republican party make any sense. He was fiscally conservative and socially liberal. He also owes me the dime he borrowed in 1976 to make a telephone call. He was a cool guy whose best friend was the jazz vibraphonist Lionel Hampton.
So this rogue’s gallery I’ve assembled needs some reining in to advance the rule of law in these United States. Who better than Mr. Rogers to serve as Chief Justice? Kind, soft-spoken, and down-to-earth, he expresses those qualities to help generate our own goodness.
So there’s my Supreme Court. Oyez, oyez, oyez.
Photo manipulation by Courtney A. Liska
Cioppino
Every Italian chef has his or her own cioppino. Whatever you do, make sure you’re using fresh fish and plenty of spice.
1/4 cup olive oil
1 small carrot, chopped
1 small yellow onion, chopped
1/2 green bell pepper, chopped
2 ribs celery, chopped
5 cloves garlic, chopped
1 small serrano chile
1/2 bunch fresh basil, chopped
1/2 bunch fresh oregano, chopped
1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds
1 1/2 teaspoons black peppercorns
1 bay leaf
1/2 bottle good red wine
2 teaspoons red wine vinegar
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons hot sauce (recommended: Tabasco)
10 cups canned pureed tomatoes, about 5 (15-ounce)
8 cups fish stock
1 pound manila clams, scrubbed
1 pound mussels, scrubbed, debearded
1 pound uncooked large shrimp, peeled and deveined
1-1/2 pounds assorted firm-fleshed fish fillets such as halibut or salmon, cut into 2-inch chunks
For the tomato base: In a large pot, heat the oil over medium heat and add the carrots, onions, peppers, and celery, and saute until tender, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic, chile, herbs, and seasonings and cook until fragrant. Add the wine, vinegar, Worcestershire, and hot sauce and reduce until the liquid is almost evaporated. Add the tomatoes and all of the fish stock, bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cook for 1 to 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally. Strain through a fine strainer, discarding the solids. Return to heat. Add seafood and cook until the shrimp are pink.