Just Jokin’ Around

My first attempt at college was marked by some serious fun and balanced by serious efforts to end the Vietnam war. In between were tucked educational pursuits that were both challenging and rewarding.

I started my college career in the fall of 1969 at a small liberal arts school just outside of Cleveland. My arrival coincided with a fire that blazed wickedly on the surface of the Cayahoga River. Although I lacked much of a scientific background, I knew instinctively that water shouldn’t burn. At that time the river lacked much water, its content being mostly flammable liquids from petroleum and other chemical spills. This led to my own awareness of environmentalism, mere months before the first Earth Day.

With the war raging on, campuses around the country were shutting down—administrations caving to the demands of student bodies. My college was one of the schools that did so in early spring of 1970. In the long run, the student demonstrations and riots seemed only to heighten awareness of the ill-wrought situation in southeast Asia. That may have been enough though.

When I wasn’t busy trying to end a war, bring justice for all and plumb the depths of medieval philosophy, I was having great fun.

The summer before I started college I worked in the underground. Sewers, actually. I got a job with the town’s water department cleaning sewers. It was a shitty job that somebody had to do.

When I left the sewers and headed to the burning river, I liberated a water main wrench. I just knew that I would find a good use for it in my new hometown.

I did.

I worked alone in my occasional pranks of turning off the water in large sectors of the town. I chose the hour of 6:30 a.m., that time when most working families were headed to the bathroom to perform their morning toilette. They were also brewing the coffee that would allow them to fully awaken to face the day. Having their water turned off was an unexpected and unpleasant surprise. Frantic calls to the town’s water department were met with the department employees dumbstruck. It took several hours (I maintained a vigil throughout the process of discovery) to find the source of the problem.

Over the course of several months, I inconvenienced people with this simple prank on four or five occasions. It was quite fun.

It was during that time that I discovered the joys of Ronsonol Lighter Fuel. Far beyond my use of it to refill the Zippo lighter I used to light my Camel non-filters, I discovered that you could dowse your hands with the stuff and light them without burning your flesh. This had no practical use, per se, but at a time when many students were experimenting with psychedelic drugs, the sight of someone with their hands on fire was rather freaky.

I only lived in a dorm for a few weeks, and I never met the elderly lady who lived alone in an apartment near the front door. She was the dorm mother or something. Nobody knew her or knew why she was there. We did know that at exactly 5:30 p.m. she would open the door of her apartment to go to dinner at the student cafeteria across the street.

It took a few practice runs, but I discovered I could create a large pool of lighter fluid in front of her door and create a trail of the stuff for some 12 feet or so away. It worked like a charm. I set a match to the trail and as she opened her door the pool ignited into an impressive blast. Nobody saw her for three or four days.

By now, I had enlisted a couple of guys to help in my exploits—one of which included the daily removal of the plaque commemorating the construction of a new administration building. The school finally hired a guard to protect the plaque until the mortar set.

The Coke machine at the dorm featured bottled sodas. If you sneaked a girl into your room, it was up to you to hang a necktie around the doorknob. This told your roommate to stay away and told the rest of us to create havoc. We would silently build a wall of empty bottles in the frame of the door and thread the necktie through the sculpture. When the girl would leave, the wall of bottles collapsed noisily, allowing all of us to come out to see who the girl was.

One of us merry pranksters of suburban Cleveland had some scientific ability. I was thinking about him when the Chinese spy balloon wafted across the skies above America a couple of weeks ago. Why we blasted it to shreds with expensive anti-aircraft weaponry will remain a mystery. It was a balloon and a simple round or two with a .45 would have brought the thing down intact. Eventually.

My science-guy friend showed us how to create a hot air balloon using a couple of strips of balsa wood, four candles, some string, and a pillowcase. We launched a few of them. Although they probably never attained an altitude of even a hundred feet, they were visible to the pilots and passengers on their approach to Cleveland Hopkins Airport. Police were called. Fortunately for us, all of the evidence had drifted away.

Those were vastly different times. Nobody ordered the Air Force to shoot down our pillowcases.

Photography by Courtney A. Liska

Creamy Potato Soup
More comfort food for the coming snow.

6 cups (about 5) peeled, diced Russet potatoes
1 chopped yellow onion
3 medium carrots, peeled and diced
2 stalks diced celery
4 cups chicken stock
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
2 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup sour cream

Combine diced potatoes, carrots, celery and onions with chicken broth in a large stockpot. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Cover pot and bring to a boil over medium-high heat, reduce heat to medium and continue to cook about 15-20 minutes longer until potatoes are very soft when pierced with a fork.

Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan melt butter over medium heat, add flour and cook for 1 minute while whisking constantly. While whisking, slowly add milk and cook, stirring constantly until mixture begins lightly bubble and thicken. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Once potatoes are soft add thickened milk mixture. Add sour cream and mix well. Top each serving with bacon or ham, cheddar cheese and green onions.