It’s a shame that American workers seem to take so little pride in the work they do. From building and fixing to inventing and installing, the national work force seems satisfied with punching in and, some eight hours later, punching out. This is a routine that is done five days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, minus the two weeks of paid vacation and ten days of mandatory sick leave.
It amounts to basically eleven months of laboring at the behest of a company owner who has both a driver and a yacht.
Clearly, there must be some form of equity established in this labor-management relationship. We need only to look to the NFL to see how it’s done. Each one of the players, I think there are fifty-five of them on each team, makes more money than the owners. This is because the players have contracts to be honored even if any one player is sidelined for the entire season with a sprained pinky finger. The owners only get paid if every seat, including the ones nearly a mile away from the fifty-yard line that can be purchased for about the same cost as a semester at Stanford, is sold.
But money is only one of the things that motivate football players. The other is that if they score a touchdown everybody gets to dance in the end zone for a few minutes. In fact, they are encouraged to dance. A sign over the locker room exit boasts a classic example of gibberish: “It takes an athlete to dance, but an artist to be a dancer.”
But not every move in football deserves a dance. An interception is worthy of a chest bump. A fumble recovery gets a fist bump. Every other move, including a three-yard loss for instance, gets a pat on the ass.
I believe that worker productivity would increase at least threefold if dancing and other forms of physical expression were encouraged in the factory or office space. For instance, when an assembly line worker secures that last nut on the last bolt there is good reason to jump up and boogie. Everybody will feel rewarded with a moment or two of getting down.
In the office, whose reception area should boast notification that “there are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them,” a sale or finalized contract calls for the workers not only to dance, but to perform extravagant arm waving and bumping routines. These can be choreographed and rehearsed during coffee breaks in the employee lounge.
The national Chamber of Commerce has been promoting local businesses by noting that when you buy stuff from Amazon nobody dances. Conversely, when you buy stuff from people who work and live in your community, the business owner dances a little jig in celebration. That owner could be dancing a little jig into eternity if the business priced its merchandise to be competitive with Amazon.
It should be noted that ceremonial dancing in politics is mostly private, spirited by an overall sense that the politicons have “fooled them (us) again.” Public celebrations by panelists in Republican debates are limited to those moments when one of the debaters tells a truth.
[Ed. Note: “Politicon” is a word coined by this blog’s owner. It expresses a gentle mix of politics and grift. We have hired the prestigious law firm of Goode/Chance to copyright it.]
Sadly, or perhaps not, attorneys don’t dance. They do, however, chest-pound, a somewhat primitive reaction to express any measure of dominance. The louder the thump, the bigger the win.
The Gatorade pour is a traditional rite that is typically reserved for football coaches. What’s most curious about the pour is that the cooler in which the Gatorade is stored is almost full when dumped on the coach. This goes to show that football players don’t like Gatorade.
I’d like to see the Gatorade pour become a part of the golf tradition. All one needs is for the caddie to dump a bottle of the power drink over the head of the tournament winner while being interviewed on the 18th green. That would add to the repertoire of post-play celebrations, notably including the fist pump first demonstrated by Tiger Woods when he sank an uphill putt from almost 300 yards. The fist pump was quickly adopted by every Sunday duffer when a four-footer drops into the cup.
In baseball, dancing is limited to the bullpen. There, relief pitchers perform line-dancing with all the aplomb of attendees at the junior prom. But baseball gave us the celebratory low-five, issued to the line coaches at first and third; the high-five, stolen by everybody; and the harbor-haul, that hand-and-arm pulling action that seemed to give an ailing Kirk Gibson whatever it was he needed to run the bases after his 1988 game-winning homer against the Oakland As. Under the new rules of baseball, the run would have been negated because it took him too long to round the bases.
Being a soccer fan, I love it when a goal is scored. There are so few goals ever made, it’s especially exciting to watch the man who made the score slide on his knees for three or four yards while baring his chest.
But I return to my desire to see non-sports figures celebrate with the joyous actions demonstrated by sports figures.
Except hockey. Too much blood.
Photo illustration by Courtney A. Liska
Creamy Garlic Chicken
Yet another delicious dish perfect for comfort on cold winter nights.
1 cup sliced mushrooms
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
4 cloves of minced garlic
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup chicken broth
2 Tbs. butter, divided
2 Tbs. olive oil, divided
1 tsp. dried thyme
1/2 tsp. dried rosemary
Salt and pepper
Chopped fresh parsley for garnish
In a large skillet, heat 1 Tbs. each of butter and olive oil over medium heat. Sauté mushrooms until lightly browned. Remove from pan and set aside.
Season the chicken breasts with salt and pepper on both sides.
In a large skillet, heat the butter and olive oil over medium heat. Add the chicken breasts and cook for about 6-8 minutes per side, or until cooked through. Remove the chicken and set aside.
In the same skillet, add the minced garlic and sauté for about 1 minute until fragrant.
Pour in the chicken broth to deglaze bottom of the pan. Let it simmer for 2-3 minutes.
Add the mushrooms, cream, dried thyme, dried rosemary, salt, and pepper. Stir well to combine.
Bring the mixture to a simmer and cook for about 5 minutes until the sauce has slightly thickened.
Return the chicken breasts to the skillet and cook for an additional 2-3 minutes, allowing the chicken to soak up the creamy garlic sauce.
Remove from heat and garnish with chopped fresh parsley.
Serve the creamy garlic chicken with your favorite side dishes.