Although I’ve long been a believer in science, science itself has always eluded me. History, literature and music are well within my wheelhouse. Biology, chemistry and physics are complete enigmas.
This might explain which half of my brain dominates.
The schools are to blame for my not having excelled in science. My freshman year in high school I was required to take biology. The teacher had us watch films of little things floating around in little glass dishes, known to almost everyone as Petri dishes. We had to make a leaf collection that reflected the arboreal nature of our surroundings. What I got out of the leaf collection was $10 from an in-coming freshman. (Ten bucks in 1965 was a decent chuck of change.) We dissected frogs and watched worms grow back the parts of their bodies that we had cut off. It seemed, in retrospect, somewhat frivolous.
I then transferred to a private school for the arts where science pretty much took a backseat to, in my case, history, literature and writing, and music.
I can’t recall ever having been in a chemistry lab and the closest I got to physics was a college course called “Physics for Poets.” There were no labs involved, but we did learn about how ink flowed from a ballpoint pen, how toasters knew when to pop up the bread slice, and other such exoteric examples from everyday life. In the second semester, the professor acknowledged that while nobody understood the theory of relativity, that’s what he would be talking about for two hours, twice a week for the whole semester.
One could hear snoring.
But my lack of a scientific mind doesn’t keep be from being interested in scientific things.
For instance, just this week I found out all about repeating fast radio bursts (FRB) that have been discovered in a galaxy far, far away.
“Astronomers have detected a mysterious, repeating fast radio burst emanating from a dwarf galaxy located 3 billion light-years away,” CNN reported. “The cosmic object is distinctive when compared with other detections of radio bursts in recent years, according to new research.”
One explanation of FRBs is that these bright flashes come from magnetars — the strongest magnets in the universe and another type of supernova remnant.
“This explanation makes sense where young stars are common, but it’s trickier when it comes to M81,” some researchers said.
Just so you know, this FRB is closer to us than Proxima Centauri, the nearest star to our sun, which measures 4.2 light years. That’s equal to about 400 round trips from San Francisco to Hoboken. And M81 is a woodland camo pattern style of shirts and pants, much like what the Oath Keepers and Proud Boys don before going on their rampages.
Since everything about science is a mystery to me, I was lost after “Astronomers have detected a mysterious…”
There is no shortage of folks weighing in on this discovery. I believe I’ve heard snippets of the Beach Boys emanating from the “cosmic object.” Of course, I frequently wake up humming some of Gene Autry’s hit tunes.
Marjorie Taylor Greene, the freshman representative of Georgia’s 14th District, is best known for her operating as the leader of the MAGA Caucus, i.e., legislative bullies. But her verbal pratfalls are what distinguishes from her from most of her colleagues on Capitol Hill.
Upon hearing of the discovery of the FRBs, she gave new life to the Jewish space lasers starting forest fires conspiracy. She has denied saying what she said.
“I didn’t say Jewish space lasers were responsible, I said it was caused by focused beams of light fired from spacecraft operated by Jewish banks. See? Totally different.”
She’s singing a different song after hearing about the FBRs.
“I told you they existed. Now we know where they live.”
I revisited the site which has some pretty bizarre audio and what did I hear? Not the Beach Boys after all! It’s klezmer music—that Ashkenazi Jewish-gypsy sound with violin, accordion, cimbalom, clarinet and tuba. It was the music Jews heard during the pogroms of Russia and Eastern Europe, all of which were overseen by the Gazpacho Police, Hitler’s private army of Mexican cooks.
Serendipity is my favorite explanation of things that can’t be explained. For instance, what else could explain the discovery of a new FRB, the onset of the Atlantic hurricane season, and the end of morel mushroom season all happening at the same time? Serendipity!
The National Oceanic Atmospheric Climate Prediction Center (NOAA) released the hurricane season outlook for this year. They’re predicting an above-average season for the seventh-consecutive year, with 14 to 21 named storms. They predict that six to ten of those will become hurricanes, and that there should be between three to six major hurricanes with winds 111 mph (179 kph) or higher.
World Meteorological Organization (WMO) generates and maintains the list of hurricane names. This year the names are: Alex, Bonnie, Colin, Danielle, Earl, Fiona, Gaston, Hermine, Ian, Julia, Karl, Lisa, Martin, Nicole, Owen, Paula, Richard, Shary, Tobias, Virginie and Walter.
Fascinating, huh?
As for morels, I used to have unbathed foragers come to the kitchen door at my restaurant in their aged Subarus with freshly harvested morel mushrooms—which are only bested in flavor by chanterelles, which sounds like the name of a doo wop group.
Alas, the season has ended, and I’ve not had one morel. It saddens me.
Photo illustration by Courtney A. Liska
Morels with Angel Hair
The nutty flavor and gentle texture of morel mushrooms can enhance most anything: crostini, a garnish for beef, pork or chicken, the base for a delicate pasta or a hearty risotto.
Carefully wash the morels and pat dry. Slice them into bite-size pieces and saute in olive oil and butter until slightly browned. Remove from pan. Add a clove of garlic and a splash or two of golden cream sherry. When the sherry has reduced, return mushrooms to pan. Add a splash of heavy cream and some Parmesan cheese. Serve with angel hair pasta.