Although California kind of jumped the gun on seasonal wildfires this year, the fire season is just beginning in most of the American West. Contrary to popular belief, most of the residents of western states live in population centers, i.e., cities and towns. We’re mostly bothered by the smoke of wildfires that darkens our skies during tourist season. Flames seem to leap-frog towns to more forested lands.
How any of these environmental changes might take place as time marches on is anybody’s guess. Global warming or climate change has delivered record-high temperatures to most of the country, along with flooding in eastern states, reaching as far north as Maine.
Hurricane season started a month ago, with Beryl delivering its wrath to southeastern Texas before curling around the states of the Deep South and heading north to embrace New England, endangering both shrimp harvests and sap production.
The weather events of this year have caught many residents off guard and unprepared, even downright surprised. It’s important to you and your families that you are ready to face flames racing toward your house and outbuildings. Make sure that the kids and their mothers have packed emergency bags filled with those things you’ll either need or want to save. As you find space in emergency shelters, the men of the house will stay behind, climbing to rooftops with garden hoses to fight fires that may or may not reach said properties. It should be noted that this is about as effective as pissing on a campfire.
Preparing for emergencies involves recognizing four main considerations: 1) find out your risks, 2) plan your destination, 3) pack your supplies, and 4) access reliable information sources.
Step one will prevent your packing life jackets in areas where there is little to no water. The authorities will answer step two for you. Step three is completely up to you. Step four involves watching MSNBC—which has yet to report a single local story in its 28-year history-—while flames lap at the eaves of your house.
There are several things that are important to pack for emergencies. First and foremost is to pack heat: a quality firearm that will discourage anybody from trying to steal a few bottles of imported water from your private stash. There may be other uses for that .357 Magnum handgun that don’t jump to mind. Plan carefully.
When packing for the inevitable, don’t waste space on food or water, all of which will be provided by the Red Cross or, if you’re really lucky, by Chef José Andrés. If you have any special dietary needs dictated by diabetes (hard-cooked eggs, fruit) or snobbery (foie gras, duck confit), you’ll need to bring those foodstuffs. Don’t forget your meds, especially the recreational ones that will make the Big Disaster tolerable. Bring enough to share.
Many things that belong in an emergency pack are obvious. Your wallet, stuffed with all the cash you can find lying around the house (including the kids’ piggy banks), probably already contains a driver’s license, medical plans, and Medicare cards. It’s important to find the key to your safety deposit box and hope the bank doesn’t burn down. Since you can’t seem to drive around the block without yakking to somebody on your Smart Phone, I’m sure you don’t need a reminder to have it on hand as you flee a natural disaster. At least you’ll have something to talk about.
It seems like a good idea to have a flashlight and extra batteries, but I don’t know why.
It’s been said that when people have been the victims of home loss, it is the photographs they miss the most. In anticipation of this, take your favorites pictures and save them to your phone. I’ll survive with the pictures I already have saved. However, I’ll remember to grab my artfully framed, autographed photo of Ernie Banks. I’ll also grab the signed letter sent to me by Frank Sinatra and the framed front page of the Chicago Tribune the day after the Cubs won the World Series in 2016. “At Last!” was the headline.
One website I found about this very subject advised the reader to remember to bring your checkbook and any bills. This makes no sense. I haven’t written a check since who-knows-when, choosing to use the debit card the bank gave me and that I keep in my aforementioned wallet. And why, when the fires are delivering threats to person and property, would I possibly want to waste time locating my gas or cellular bill? I can do well to not being able to find them during non-emergency times.
Do not forget to pack the transistor radio you last used at a 1982 Dodgers game.
Toilet paper and beer. These are items that are first to fly off the supermarket shelves when any emergency is reported on AM radio. There is some wisdom in such inclusions to your survival kit. I would replace the beer with Scotch. There’s no substitute for toilet paper, unless your local evacuation center has bidets.
Once you have everything you need gathered and placed in something smaller than a carry-on, find a location in your place of residence to keep it handy for a speedy escape.
I tested this, placing my pack at the front door—which is my usual point of entry or escape. My dog only uses the backdoor.
This might be problematic in the case of an actual emergency.
Photo and canine styling by Courtney A. Liska
Aioli
Arguably the greatest cold sauce of all time, aioli is a simple sauce of olive oil emulsified into freshly crushed garlic, seasoned simply with salt and lemon. A pure, fiery sauce features an intense garlic flavor that is perfect for asparagus and green beans, eggs, and fish. It takes sandwiches to new heights.
4 large cloves fresh garlic, peeled and sliced
½ tsp. kosher salt, or other course-grain salt
1 tsp. fresh lemon juice
½ extra-virgin olive oil
1 tsp. water to adjust texture, or more as needed
Place garlic slices in a mortar with kosher salt. Mash with the pestle into a fine paste, 4 or 5 minutes. Mix in lemon juice.
Add a teaspoon of olive oil; stir and mash until oil is incorporated. Add another teaspoon and mix thoroughly. Continue incorporating olive oil, teaspoon by teaspoon, mashing and stirring until aioli thickens up. If the aioli gets thicker than you like, add a few drops of water.